At Peace

My heart was pouring with unrelenting sorrow and I was choking on my own words. In that moment, I felt a crack work its way up to the crown of my heart and shuffle in different directions. I heard the cracking sounds as they worked their way around my heart. Numbness swept over me like a tidal wave and buried me in deafness; every word silenced within the walls of my ears. My pulse raced, eyes weary, I had to lie down before I broke in to tears like a little girl. There was no peace, time was irreversible and it had just begun. My legs were strong but would they hold... I tried to hold on but I was starting to realize that proving myself was the least of my worries. Tears welled up my eyes and the lurking pain was starting to creep in. I moaned in sorrow; the pain had finally reached me.The weakness inside me crept out of the hole it was buried in and possessed me like the liberating feeling I so much craved. I was out of it: out of my brassy exuberance and the feeling of loss and emptiness could not be defined. I felt helpless and there was not a damn thing I could do about it.

They say it's hard to know the extent of someone's pain until you've been there yourself. I was starting to get a taste of what that meant. There was a whisper in the noise, a loud whisper breaking though the chaos happening inside of me. If pain was the sun, I was the desert it was burning me to ashes and there were no white clouds to offer me shade. Another word, and her words will see me fall apart. In that moment, watching the clouds waltz through the ocean sky was like swimming on an Indian summer day. Nature always had my back even if she didn't. Time had been telling me the mystifying truth of change and how it welcomes everyone with forceful arms. I was breaking, maybe even dying of emotional loss and one more heartbeat and my heart would finally give in to the sting of her bad words; words that had so far been crushing me like bugs at the mercy of the human steps. I closed my eyes longing for rescue, I was desperate like sailors on a deserted island. 

For a while or so, I was lost, swallowed by the silent, sinister enemy inside who was, at the moment, making me wish I hadn't been born. I stood watching and hoping she'd walk back and embrace me as she unsaid every harsh word. But she didn't. She walked on without a word leaving me at the mercy of my own condition. I closed my eyes again, searching for some kind of peace, or resolve however brief. I buried myself in the sand, looking for something that could feel more painful than my heart breaking into bits. The din of the crowd and passers-by grew distant and the only sound I could hear was the ocean waves ebbing away at the shoreline. And then it happened...in that perfect finite moment, I let a lose, deep, satisfying sigh and there it was, calming every nerve and stilling the chaos. I was at peace. Peace beyond my mental grasps. Peace reminding me that a constellation of stars was in the not so distant bright future

Past Triggers

Weeks passed and everyone Christopher sent in search of Samuel returned with no good news and a relentless Christopher kept sending them back. David's wife, Mary Elise gave a disappointing grin and returned to her room when she heard the last but same report. She longed for good news of Samuel as did her father-in-law. Her mind had been consumed with thoughts of Samuel and she was eager to see what he looked like. Nights passed and she longed even more. David began to sense the change in attitude and discomposure towards him. He was starting to think something was wrong with his father and wife. No matter how much he tried, they wouldn't leave it alone. They never gave up. Christopher and Mary Elise waited like a stalker with unlimited patience in the dead of night hoping for good news. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say my father and wife are in love with Samuel" David confessed to the priest. But he didn't know any better. Something beyond his understanding was happening and he knew he had to do something fast. The signals had clearly been delivered and he had taken measures to make sure Samuel never saw the estate. "Do not do anything you'll regret..." The priest advised, "He helped you...the very least give him a reward for his kindness." David was not amazed by the priest's counsel. "You are only saying that because you are a priest" he said, "if you were in my shoes, you'd have done worse" On that note, he walked out of the confession booth and into the aisle "Pray for me father, that God will have mercy for what I'm about to do" 

The next morning David secretly sent one of his men to find and kill Samuel before any of the servants did.

It was a glorious night and Samuel without fearing for his safety, stepped out from the old cabin he had remodeled to suit his desperate needs. In order to keep his disappearance, he stayed in a small cabin which was buried in one of his mother's secret lands. For weeks everything seemed fine and in order. Nothing troubled him until Mildred, the maid, met him at a store purchasing some supplies. Samuel was birthed into an affluent family but his gift had caused him to live a life of insanity somewhat. He'd purchased new outfits and shoes befitting a man of his social stature. Mildred hardly recognized him and it would have been so had he not said a word. But he couldn't help it. "What kind of name is Gregoire? Is it french?" Samuel mocked the storekeeper. Mildred could remember that sound even her sleep. "Hello, sir, you had the Rivers worried. Master Rivers thought you had passed." She was overjoyed when her smile broke Samuel's puzzled glare. "...so it is really you, sir..." She hugged him and with all her might, forced him to come to the estate. Samuel had no choice but to do her bidding. Mildred was starting to embarrass him.

When they arrived at the estate, the news of Samuel's return raced around and Mildred found great favor in the eyes of her master and Mary Elise. For a moment, he felt feisty and then he was scared again. This was a terrible idea and there was nothing he could do about it now. Christopher thew a feast in Samuel's honor and thanked him greatly for his selfless act. He snickered at the obvious lie and continued his feasting. All through the night, Mary Elise's eyes were fixed on Samuel and she felt her insides melt each time he smiled. David accompanied her to thank him and without hesitation, she embraced his trembling body. He knew what he'd done and there was no going back now. Arm in arm, David and his wife Mary Elise, glided across the hall and they were soon lost in a cluster of rich people. Of course, they had no idea how rich Samuel was and he wasn't ready to show it. Before the night ended, Samuel knew his fate was sealed "I'm sure going to die in this house..." He whispered as Christopher broke the news of his handing over the deed to one of his farms as a gift to Samuel. David, upon hearing almost choked on his wine as anger simmered inside of him like a boiling pot. His gaze froze on Samuel who was lounging peacefully. He tried to give it back but Christopher wouldn't hear any of it. Samuel smiled a happy nervous smile and finally said out loud, "I'm an honorable man so I accept with pleasure" Everyone clapped and cheered with joy admist the shock and awe that filled the atmosphere

He closed his eyes again, searching for some kind of peace, however brief. But he couldn't go back to sleep and he couldn't stand the rattling chaos within. Samuel slid to the edge of the bed and then to the floor. Haunted by the tragedy that awaited him, he walked out to the balcony gazing at the beautiful night sky. Alone in the darkness, he thought aloud whispering as he tried to find a solution. It wouldn't be long now... death would be paying him a visit soon.

A letter to Me

"It's a lot easier to admit you are mad than admit you are hurt because there's joy somewhat in expressing rage rather that showing vulnerability. Vulnerability makes us weak but it's what makes us human. People hate being vulnerable because the hurt is worst when you are most vulnerable.

Dear Past Me.....


You were crazy, selfish and irresponsible. You were like that girl in Downton Abbey. You made mistakes and acted without thinking. You made a mess of so many good things, threw opportunities out the window like they were tissue paper. You were stupid, beyond stupid. I can't even begin to explain how much. You put your self first and failed to realize the needs of others. You were blind to the hurt you caused others and impatient for the right things to happen. You were damaged goods and a little boring maybe even antisocial. You never factored in the will of God and even though the equation wasn't balanced, you applied it anyway. Life in that moment seemed glorious but with all that you knew, you still did it anyway. Dear Past Me, I'm sorry for taking you down that road. Because together, we hurt others even though you so much didn't agree. We took our emotional revenge on people that deserved better. And I made you live a life far from being complete and for that I'm sorry.

Dear Present Me......

You are still bad, not worse like you used to be. You are a better version of Past Me. And I'm glad that we are a work in progress. Still stupid but not like before. Life is still beautiful and you are not getting any younger so get you act together. You have so much going for you at the moment. Be responsible. Be slow to anger and think before you act. Life is not cruise control,. Live everyday meaningfully. You are still rough around the edges but you can make it. So keep pushing and start making wise decisions. Good decisions for long term problem solving. Keep up on the right track push and let God.

Dear Future Me.....

Don't be like Past and Present Me, Be better. Be brighter, glow even in the light and shine like the star you were created to be. Follow in the right track and don't be proud, or feel accomplished. Strive to do more to live beyond the ordinary. Know how to love the right way. And do not be taken aback by Past and Present Me. Let the past stay in the past. Don't kill time, use it. Don't abuse it, work with it, Move at God's anticipated pace because in time He will shine his light on you and all will be beautiful. Surround yourself with people who know your worth and speak wisdom into your life. Do not forget where you came from and how you got to where you are. The sky is not the limit. To infinity and beyond... that's more like it!!

Bed Of Roses

When the rains finally stopped, David approached Samuel. He shared with him his dilemma and explained how he was in dire need of help. Of course, he needed help, but at what cost? Samuel Trevor thought about the consequence of helping David and his unbridled fear for what will follow seemed little compared to the stranger he had just met. Without another word Samuel climbed in to the carriage and on they went headed for the Rivers estate. The rest of the afternoon went by slowly and Samuel not being much of a talker, admired the scenery. Before long, they’d arrived at the estate. “Are we in the right place?” He asked, nervous as a cat on crack. The estate was magnificent. And it stretched to all four corners. His eyes couldn’t see the end of it because there were large acres of vegetation stretching behind the mansion. “But this is the Rivers estate….” He continued, still nervous. “And I’m David Rivers, son of Christopher Rivers” David spoke with pride and smiled. Before the horses stopped at the entrance, there were servants waiting with treats and a new coat for Samuel Trevor who was still trying to recover from the shock. It was magnificent indeed. The decor spoke wealth beyond any in the town of Dake. He threw his eyes everywhere and all he saw rendered him speechless. Lunch had been served and as he walked down the corridor, he heard an old man squirm and scream for help. The maid quickly shuffled across the corridor and entered the largest room in the mansion. She asked, Samuel to wait at the door but he walked in anyway. Peering at the old man with renewed interest, he knew lunch could wait. “I’m not that famished...” He thought as he walked over to the bed. Christopher was in terrible pain, his skin was old and he appeared weary and almost dead. “He wasn't sick, except for dying of old age, yet David wanted him to live…” Samuel didn't understand but he was there to help and that was exactly what he was going to do. As he reached to touch his forehead, which was covered in beads of perspiration, the maid yelled, “Stop!” She was furious, “You have no right to do that…You are not a doctor.” Samuel gave a mocking laugh and reached his hand out to touch his forehead. “Sir, I said stop!” the maid yelled again “It’s alright, Mildred, he’s here to help…” David said in lower tone. “My apologies, Sir,” She replied and left the room. “Your name sounds old. What kind of name is Mildred?” Samuel said but Mildred ignored his remark and walked out. "That's my father, Christopher, He's been like this for almost a year." David spoke with a hint on sadness in his voice. Samuel didn't let him speak any more of his father's condition. He knew the priceless love of a father and maybe if he ever had one then his life might have been different. Samuel touched Christopher’s forehead and then the magic happened. In no time, Christopher was back on his feet again. 

After lunch, David took Samuel to another room. There he met David’s sick wife. She was beautiful; more beautiful than any woman he’d met all his life. She was weak, flickering like a candle light and she couldn't make out his face. David watched with gleeful expectation and finally she was up. Her smile was stunning and her face was beaming with joy. Overwhelmed as they were, David and his wife failed to notice Samuel walk away. “It’s better this way…” Samuel thought as he closed the door. He feigned happiness but the uneasy look gave him away. “Is everything alright, Sir?” Mildred asked, “I’d like to take my leave now if you could show me the way out.” Samuel replied candidly. He was very much aware of what would happen if he wasted another minute in that house. Mildred walked him out and before David finished with his celebration, Samuel disappeared into the early darkness. For once, the odds were in his favor and everything else ddidn't matter. No one knew where Samuel had disappeared to. The maids went in search of him and it wasn’t until after Mildred informed Christopher of Samuel's departure that he sent one of his best men to go after him. Christopher’s heart was deeply saddened by this and he refused to eat until Samuel returned to the estate. It was happening again and Samuel didn’t have legs fast enough to outrun it.

Foolishment

They say that when you meet the love of your life time stops. That is when you experience a timeless moment: a moment when everything else stills as you free fall into something which up until that point, you never knew existed. When I first fell in love, there was nothing like a timeless moment. There was, however, reality punching me and telling me how not good enough I was. I was young, stupid and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I could visualize were the unbridled feelings which I failed to control. It was like an unending display of fireworks. In life you realize that sooner or later, what you always think is, may not be. There was no timeless moment, my heart didn't skip a beat and no one gave me CPR. There was absolutely nothing! My unbridled feeling was on the other hand a tremendous roller coaster. My life took an unbalanced ration of how I felt and reality. And I ended up reaching for more than I could handle. Breakups suck! And there is nothing nice about it. It maybe a mutual feeling but in the end, it's the same old, same old reality; someone always gets hurt. No matter how nice you try to be about it, it still sucks and it's terrible. Why do we get so buried in love if breakups suck like this? Why do we search for companionship if all it'll do is scar us in the end? I used to always think love was overrated. Well, that opinion was subjected to great change when the ice broke. Why love if we are always going to mess it up? Why love if our hearts are susceptible to be broken? If loving can make some one emotionally, scarred or damaged, why do they still look for it?






Broken hearts can mend again. The pieces can stitch up again. The point is allowing yourself to grieve and letting the feeling of hurt run its course. It's always good for anyone to feel the hurt. Because numbing the pain postpones the hurt and it makes you live in fear. First of all, when you have a broken heart, you think of nothing but the pain and emotional loss, the emptiness and the relentless reminder of how your life has ended because of someone. Numbing the pain erases those relentless reminders and it provides temporary relief. and for a short moment, if you are in luck, you get to experience bliss in the wake of a break up. It always has that good sense of appeal to you and for everyone who wants to numb the pain. Of course, that is until you realize that the hurt is still waiting for you to deal with. Numbing the pain prevents you from being fully vulnerable in future relationships and can damage how you see the opposite sex. It's okay to sing yourself to sleep on those sleepless painful nights because as the day passes, it'll get better. You'll feel better. Maybe not at the pace you anticipated but it'll be better.

Bed Of Roses

Bed Of Roses

“Does pain have an owner?” He shouted as people busied about in the town square. But none listened. He was drunk and could hardly maintain his stand. Even the best he managed sounded meaningless; their attention was captured by something rather more important. Beads of confusion bore on his face, and his usual ruggedly handsome look had been ruined by the stench of alcohol. James Trevor measured up to about six feet, he possessed a tall, full figure and his well-built body and curly, short brown hair turned him in to every young woman’s dream. Before he turned eighteen years, he had succeeded in being responsible for three pregnancies and this was infuriating for the parents of the young girls. Of course, that was until the babies were birthed. At age twenty five, he had come to know pain in ways that no one imagined; all the children he fathered never lived past their first year. His joy over the years had been replaced with sorrow and his pain proved even more burdensome. This explained his reason for being in the town square trying as much as he possibly could to do his last good deeds before death took him away. After several yells, a man who had come to the square in search of a doctor decided to listen for his wife and father were in pain. “Does pain have an owner? I ask...” He shouted again, still drunk. “Is there none amongst you wise?” “Shut up you drunk, old, useless man,” one man replied with utter disgust spitting on him. The words were just out of his mouth when it began to pour heavily. The rains poured with such brut force yet James moved not a step. “Does pain have an owner” He yelled constantly and even louder. “You must be in pain; mixing your sore throat with spirit this morning.” He said to the man who had just spat on him. “Oh shut up! You fool!! if you were a doctor, you’d not be standing here drunk.” The man answered. James, with great effort walked briskly towards him and before he could say another word, he grabbed his neck with such force as if to kill him, and then the magic happened. His hand burned red hot like a metal buried in . The yelling and the chaotic cheering created a noisy pictorial of a crowd -although ignorant- pleased with what was currently happening. 

The town square was surrounded by old, buildings which had not more than two floors, some of which were owned by Samuel Rivers. From the windows, some peered, as the others yelled from the shade in excitement. To them, it was nothing more than a brawl between two drunken men. 

David Rivers, pouted in a corner looking detached and miserable. As he observed the brawl he noticed the hidden gifts that James had displayed to people who were too stupid to pay any attention. There was something James had that was of priceless value to his sick father and wife. James’s left hand was the key to him finding joy and a life filled with love. But little did he know that he would pay dearly for it.

Love at first sight -continued.

“There is a drought in the sky.” Esther said to Nina. “I wonder where they all went.” The sisters had their backs gently against the brown porcelain floor of the patio with their eyes gazing at the dry, limitless sky. “Yeah, tell me about it. Not even a star in sight.” Nina agreed. In the moment of silence, which followed after, Esther kept telling herself to not succumb to the temptation, but she knew she could trust Nina. “It was Bill, you know.” She said softly. “Hmm?” Nina hummed in shock, “Bill Trevor was the miracle?” She thought her ears were betraying her, but they weren’t. “Bill Trevor? How did that happen?” She asked vehemently as she impulsively stood up. “Ask him! Not me. I was dying...” She stood up and walked to the left end corner of the patio. Esther admired the view of the estate from where she stood. “...the minute his lips touched my head, I felt that warmth,” she smiled and felt her heart pulsate “it was strange…you know that kind of warmth…” “Shut up!” Nina interrupted, “you should not let mother see you talk about him with that face.” Nina continued. Esther stopped her, saying, “I understand Mama forbids it but, I love Bill and there is nothing she or Papa can do about it. They could die out of shock for all I care.” “Esther Rivers! You did not say that.” Nina replied in shock, “Take it back or God help me, I’ll have the maids wash your mouth with soap.”

Love has gentle hands

Love has Gentle Hands

It was morning like these that Bill Trevor cherished all his life. Mornings that bore great news like the miraculous recovery of Esther Rivers who was near dead the night before. Bill's eyes were warm, his manner pleasing, and at all times affectionate. When he spoke his voice was lively and filled with so much hope and joy. His mother, Mildred, who had been a single parent for over a decade now, was proud of him and pride bore greatly on her face each time she spoke of him. She had raised a unique son who bore a strange gift that even she didn't know of. Mildred was given to stints of temper and she became so enraged when people spoke ill of her son. She was the over protective kind. A mother who knew all she had left in this world was a son who embraced life head on and that made her proud. When Bill decided to work for the Rivers to support her she refused. Mildred was never keen on her son working for the same people she worked for- a decision which troubled Bill.

Mary Elise Rivers questioned her daughter relentlessly. She was ruthless, and usually curious to know what had happened. The bubonic dictator had killed each victim except her daughter and her overzealous interest in how it happened was yet to be questioned. At first, Esther resisted the temptation of telling Bill's secret because she knew her mother would not only punish her, but have him hanged for touching her. If she mentioned anything about a kiss, that would be instant death that very hour. When Nina overheard, her mother shout at Esther, she scurried down the corridor to Esther's room. “Mama?!" She interrupted, drawing all the attention to herself. “What?" Mary Elise answered in a loud strong voice. "That's why it's called a miracle," She replied gracefully, "...you don't question it; you accept it, and be grateful for it." She followed it with a smile so innocent even her mother could not resist. "Come on, Esther, let's go down by the river" Nina said to her sister as she gazed at her mother in disappointment, "the apples and peaches will be much nicer during this time of day."

Bill had returned from his last errand of the day. He was fatigued and in need of a cold bath. A nice meal after that would just suffice. Mildred had prepared a feast for three but Bill wasn't sure who the third was. Most nights, they dined together, alone and in silence. Mildred never talked much unless she was giving out instructions. Bill was pleased that her mother had finally found someone to keep her company whilst he was away secretly working at the Rivers' estate. He had barely taken a bite of the baked chicken when Jeremy Gibbons took his seat at the table. "Sorry for the lateness, my apologies." He said, with a hint of joy and appreciation in his voice. Bill greeted, as did Mildred whilst serving him a plate. It was a busy evening at the Trevors'. Mouths were engaged, enjoying the tasty meal Mildred had prepared. Even the Rivers attested that Mildred's cooking was nothing like they had ever tasted in the entire town. It all seemed a happy moment and was leaning into becoming a memorable one when Jeremy Gibbons broke the news about her daughter's interest in Bill. Bill, of course, felt a cramp which almost led him to throw up. Following right after the quick ordeal, was a loud, "What?" Mildred dropped her chicken out of excitement. "Oh thank the heavens!" "Are you serious?" He yelled; his appetite completely damned at this point. As Mildred's heart was pouring with implacable joy, Bill sat speechless gazing down at the food in utter disgust with no appreciation for the words Mr. Gibbons had just uttered. “Mr. Gibbons, sir, please out of respect for you and your daughter, I must kindly refuse and say that I have little interest in your daughter." And without another word, he departed from the table, carrying his food to his room. "I don't suppose he'll deign to accept my daughter in marriage..." Jeremy said, as he took another bite. "Mildred, what did you put in this chicken? …must say I've never tasted anything quite like it.” Jeremy turned to look at Mildred whose attention had settled on her son.

Marry the Messenger

She tiptoed along the corridor toward Esther's room. Her feet hurt terribly but she had to see her. Nina watched her sister stir feverishly; helpless as she was, she held her hand and cleaned her face with a cold, wet towel to cool down her burning temperature. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Esther. Was she going to survive? Would she get better? The old doctor couldn't tell. The illness wasn't like anything he had ever seen. The Rivers family was smacked right in the middle of this bubonic storm and no antibiotic was strong enough. When Esther tried to speak, it was a croaky whisper filled with her sadness. Nina looked at her sister whom she adored so dearly, and she reached out softly to her and touched her cheek which was burning with a fever. "I'll be back, sis. The water is not cold enough." Nina whispered tenderly.

Before long, Bill Trevor walked in to Esther's room to see his favorite friend. Esther looked oddly at him. "Bill," whispered Esther. She was surprised to see him walk in. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was almost inaudible but she still wore that perfect smile. It was so perfect it broke his heart to see her in that condition. "Bill Trevor! What are you doing here?!" Nina shouted quietly from the door also surprised "Mama would freak if she saw you." Bill turned to look at her as she walked in. "How is she, really?" He asked her. "Not good I'm afraid." Nina answered, saddened by the look on Bill's face. "Doctor has tried everything." Bill couldn't leave Esther's room. He sat on the bed, and leaned forward to take her in his arms. Nina stood there looking at the room which a few days ago, had everything filled with such life and happy memories. She remembered how often they talked about boys and getting married and then tears began welling up her eyes again. Bill looked at her. He was saddened greatly by Esther's state as he laid her back gently and covered her with the sheets. Esther closed her eyes and fell asleep. "Sleep, my dear, gently sleep," He whispered softly, "Time will be sweet for you." Nina cried in silence looking at a helpless Bill who was madly in love with her sister. "Ooh Bill...I love you. I have for a very long time." Esther whispered as her eyes finally closed peacefully with a smile on her face. He leaned over to kiss her head and then he left. Nina cleaned her face gently with the wet clean towel, changed the sheets and kissed her sister goodnight.

Dawn came early, and without any shilly-shallying, the sun gleamed everywhere with its morning glory and radiance. The sound of birds chirping in the garden, the squirrels running playfully in the grasses and the morning dew tumbling over the leaves to the ground was such a morning delight for Esther and Nina. They always woke up early every morning to witness in sheer glee the amazing scene. But this morning would be different. Or so she thought. "Nina! Nina! Come quickly!" Esther called from her room. "Come look at the squirrels..." Nina scurried over to Esther's room at the end of the corridor and found her speechless. "Esther?" She called out in disbelief. Esther lay silent on the bed just as she'd left her the night before. "Esther..." There was silence. Complete silence except for the birds chirping. "Ooh Esther" She whispered and walked over to close the open window. Nina gazed at her sister whose body appeared lifeless on the bed. She sat by her and reached out to her hand; her heart tearing from her very soul. "How I wish, you'd welcome this morning with me," Her eyes were brutally sad but she managed a dignified smile. "What would I not give to see you smile again..." Nina took the bucket and the towel and returned with a clean one to clean her. Everyone was asleep except for Nina and the maids, who were preparing the first meal of the day and putting the house in order. Nina immersed the clean towel into the cold water. "Nina, if you touch me with that towel, God help me I'll smother you." Esther said with one eye looking squarely into Nina's. Nina looked at Esther and smiled. “Not if I kill you first" she laughed humorously. She was brimming with joy and excitement. Nina felt somewhat drained but she celebrated this miracle with so much eagerness. Jumping and shouting and making loud noises, the sisters attracted the attention of everyone..."Wait... wait...how is that you are in such good health?" Nina asked abruptly, killing the excitement. Esther paused, "I don't know and I don't remember." She lied and quickly looked away. She remembered her healer's last words and his kiss. She still felt the afire touch of his lips on her head. Esther recalled clearly how his touch sent cold chills which were quickly followed by strange warmth relieving her of all the pain she was in. Her dimpled cheeks blushed as his voice echoed in the walls of her ears and his words lingered in her thoughts. She appeared smitten but her face was far from Nina's eyes.

Here are the links to the other parts

Love has gentle hands

The workshop (day one)

They say the past is never dead. It lingers waiting to surface, to ruin and to jeopardize everything you've built. But I've always thought that the past is as powerful as you make it. What has passed has passed. Let what has passed remain the past: every achievement, every wrong action, every wrong word said, every breakup, every loss. Why do we say the past is never dead? Fear!

Living in fear of your past is no way to live at all. God saved you from your past so that you can live in the now and look forward to the future. The reality is that you can't change the past but you can decide how to live now and where you'd like to see yourself in the future. Dwelling on the past never helped anyone and if anything, it changes your present because you decided to let it. Let it go. Your actions in the past has brought you up to this point, so stop lamenting on how you did this or that. Time for remorse and regret has passed. Move on! Forget it, the damage has been done. It'll be good for you to asses the damage and resolve it with a way forward. Look ahead! There are greater things than your past achievement. Good change always comes with assured growth. Keep your head up and live each day as it comes. I think we always make the mistake of taking on too much. Don't worry about tomorrow or the week after, in fact, don't even worry about today. just live it as it comes. Stop listening to you and listen to God.
Lastly, learn from past mistakes. Don't assume the situation is different or you are stronger to take it head on, when you are not. Mistakes sort of tell you where your assets are and what liabilities you should be worried about. Ask for guidance and trust Him to lead you through life. It's insane to do the same thing and expect different results. That's insanity. When you done it over and over again, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.