I remember drowning in an ocean of astonishment when I stepped into my home and found everyone bearing traces of sorrow on their faces. As I traversed the living room, and in to the room I shared with my siblings, the sorrowful chaos had mutated into an abrupt silence. I did not understand why my presence had caused such conspicuous change. "Come here," said my mother to me, a little boy of eight years old, who was, at the moment, mystified by all the unfamiliar faces looking in his direction. She handed me a piece of paper which had the letters, E-U-L-O-G-Y boldly printed in blue. I smiled, and was so overjoyed to see my favorite color. Of course, at the time, I did not understand the word 'eulogy' neither did I look for the meaning. I was simply buoyed by joy that I'd be reading a 'speech' that had been printed in my favorite color. I was bold, full of courage and my reading skills were flawless. My mother, a teacher at the time, had subjected me to a weekly dose of reading a new story book. I, on the other hand, was often tempted to skip to the end and yell with excitement "Finished!" But she assured me of one thing, "she was smarter than I was." After each yell, she'd take the book and ask me what transpired on each page as her hands flipped through the pages and my lips, as was custom, did the narration. There were bad days; each time I failed to give the right narration, canes that were hidden somewhere in the house found their place on my back. Those were the good years of blissful, memorable moments. But as she knelt before me, with her hands wrapped around me to as if to console me, I peered at her eyes; they were such beautiful eyes and they were filled with raw agony. My mother was in pain but she had to be strong.
When the silent whisper bearing news of my father's passing reached the walls of my ears, they bounced back and made a run for it. My body went into shock mode and I felt the numbness crawl up and eventually bury me. Then came the uncanny visitor of denial. I could not believe it but the wailing of my sisters as my mother broke the news to me sufficed as confirmation. Everything had changed and we were nowhere near ready to continue life.
The unexpected is always upon us, yet we live like it'll never come. We busy about to avoid confronting ourselves about what's real and not. We are often tempted to procrastinate till we are pressured in to changing. I have always thought that change is in the nature of human beings. We are subject to change; sometimes by our own willingness, but most of the time, by necessity. There are days I look back at the journey so far and I never, in any way consider this as a boastful post or reminder that I'll make it, but a recognition and acknowledgement of how far He who loves me immeasurably has brought me. It's been a chaotic journey seasoned with sweet peace and relentless love that can only hail from God Himself. The journey is as important as reaching your destination because you can't get to the destination without the journey and God takes advantage of that to transform you with the journey. Pay attention, listen, enjoy the experience and when it gets tough, say repeatedly, "This too shall pass!" Because it sure shall pass. The reality of what awaits you surpasses the challenges that you encounter on your way to the destination. Sometimes to see them coming other times, you are taken by thunderclaps of chaos and the strange thing is you are always poised to think God has deserted you. He hasn't, didn't, and will not desert you. And you can believe that! Natural human instinct will always- always try to reason out the cause and the culprit But sometimes the unexpected things happen so that you can see another side of God, so that you can see He's quite an amazing husband. I'm fiercely moved to say that, being with God is beautiful. It's beauty itself. I'm greatly mesmerized because I'm a broken person, I'm a leaky bucket full of holes and even in my so called perfection, I lack righteousness. The journey has taught me that grace is power, and it's favor at the same time. So he gave me favor, not just any favor but His favor, and that favor came with unending volts of supernatural power to endure all that may come my way.
"I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. No more feeling insecure about who I am. He LOVES me immeasurably. I don't live under the law, I live under grace. I make mistakes but guess what: He forgives me-we're married."
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I wish you would tell me something every now and then....