Past Triggers

Weeks passed and everyone Christopher sent in search of Samuel returned with no good news and a relentless Christopher kept sending them back. David's wife, Mary Elise gave a disappointing grin and returned to her room when she heard the last but same report. She longed for good news of Samuel as did her father-in-law. Her mind had been consumed with thoughts of Samuel and she was eager to see what he looked like. Nights passed and she longed even more. David began to sense the change in attitude and discomposure towards him. He was starting to think something was wrong with his father and wife. No matter how much he tried, they wouldn't leave it alone. They never gave up. Christopher and Mary Elise waited like a stalker with unlimited patience in the dead of night hoping for good news. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say my father and wife are in love with Samuel" David confessed to the priest. But he didn't know any better. Something beyond his understanding was happening and he knew he had to do something fast. The signals had clearly been delivered and he had taken measures to make sure Samuel never saw the estate. "Do not do anything you'll regret..." The priest advised, "He helped you...the very least give him a reward for his kindness." David was not amazed by the priest's counsel. "You are only saying that because you are a priest" he said, "if you were in my shoes, you'd have done worse" On that note, he walked out of the confession booth and into the aisle "Pray for me father, that God will have mercy for what I'm about to do" 

The next morning David secretly sent one of his men to find and kill Samuel before any of the servants did.

It was a glorious night and Samuel without fearing for his safety, stepped out from the old cabin he had remodeled to suit his desperate needs. In order to keep his disappearance, he stayed in a small cabin which was buried in one of his mother's secret lands. For weeks everything seemed fine and in order. Nothing troubled him until Mildred, the maid, met him at a store purchasing some supplies. Samuel was birthed into an affluent family but his gift had caused him to live a life of insanity somewhat. He'd purchased new outfits and shoes befitting a man of his social stature. Mildred hardly recognized him and it would have been so had he not said a word. But he couldn't help it. "What kind of name is Gregoire? Is it french?" Samuel mocked the storekeeper. Mildred could remember that sound even her sleep. "Hello, sir, you had the Rivers worried. Master Rivers thought you had passed." She was overjoyed when her smile broke Samuel's puzzled glare. "...so it is really you, sir..." She hugged him and with all her might, forced him to come to the estate. Samuel had no choice but to do her bidding. Mildred was starting to embarrass him.

When they arrived at the estate, the news of Samuel's return raced around and Mildred found great favor in the eyes of her master and Mary Elise. For a moment, he felt feisty and then he was scared again. This was a terrible idea and there was nothing he could do about it now. Christopher thew a feast in Samuel's honor and thanked him greatly for his selfless act. He snickered at the obvious lie and continued his feasting. All through the night, Mary Elise's eyes were fixed on Samuel and she felt her insides melt each time he smiled. David accompanied her to thank him and without hesitation, she embraced his trembling body. He knew what he'd done and there was no going back now. Arm in arm, David and his wife Mary Elise, glided across the hall and they were soon lost in a cluster of rich people. Of course, they had no idea how rich Samuel was and he wasn't ready to show it. Before the night ended, Samuel knew his fate was sealed "I'm sure going to die in this house..." He whispered as Christopher broke the news of his handing over the deed to one of his farms as a gift to Samuel. David, upon hearing almost choked on his wine as anger simmered inside of him like a boiling pot. His gaze froze on Samuel who was lounging peacefully. He tried to give it back but Christopher wouldn't hear any of it. Samuel smiled a happy nervous smile and finally said out loud, "I'm an honorable man so I accept with pleasure" Everyone clapped and cheered with joy admist the shock and awe that filled the atmosphere

He closed his eyes again, searching for some kind of peace, however brief. But he couldn't go back to sleep and he couldn't stand the rattling chaos within. Samuel slid to the edge of the bed and then to the floor. Haunted by the tragedy that awaited him, he walked out to the balcony gazing at the beautiful night sky. Alone in the darkness, he thought aloud whispering as he tried to find a solution. It wouldn't be long now... death would be paying him a visit soon.

A letter to Me

"It's a lot easier to admit you are mad than admit you are hurt because there's joy somewhat in expressing rage rather that showing vulnerability. Vulnerability makes us weak but it's what makes us human. People hate being vulnerable because the hurt is worst when you are most vulnerable.

Dear Past Me.....


You were crazy, selfish and irresponsible. You were like that girl in Downton Abbey. You made mistakes and acted without thinking. You made a mess of so many good things, threw opportunities out the window like they were tissue paper. You were stupid, beyond stupid. I can't even begin to explain how much. You put your self first and failed to realize the needs of others. You were blind to the hurt you caused others and impatient for the right things to happen. You were damaged goods and a little boring maybe even antisocial. You never factored in the will of God and even though the equation wasn't balanced, you applied it anyway. Life in that moment seemed glorious but with all that you knew, you still did it anyway. Dear Past Me, I'm sorry for taking you down that road. Because together, we hurt others even though you so much didn't agree. We took our emotional revenge on people that deserved better. And I made you live a life far from being complete and for that I'm sorry.

Dear Present Me......

You are still bad, not worse like you used to be. You are a better version of Past Me. And I'm glad that we are a work in progress. Still stupid but not like before. Life is still beautiful and you are not getting any younger so get you act together. You have so much going for you at the moment. Be responsible. Be slow to anger and think before you act. Life is not cruise control,. Live everyday meaningfully. You are still rough around the edges but you can make it. So keep pushing and start making wise decisions. Good decisions for long term problem solving. Keep up on the right track push and let God.

Dear Future Me.....

Don't be like Past and Present Me, Be better. Be brighter, glow even in the light and shine like the star you were created to be. Follow in the right track and don't be proud, or feel accomplished. Strive to do more to live beyond the ordinary. Know how to love the right way. And do not be taken aback by Past and Present Me. Let the past stay in the past. Don't kill time, use it. Don't abuse it, work with it, Move at God's anticipated pace because in time He will shine his light on you and all will be beautiful. Surround yourself with people who know your worth and speak wisdom into your life. Do not forget where you came from and how you got to where you are. The sky is not the limit. To infinity and beyond... that's more like it!!

Bed Of Roses

When the rains finally stopped, David approached Samuel. He shared with him his dilemma and explained how he was in dire need of help. Of course, he needed help, but at what cost? Samuel Trevor thought about the consequence of helping David and his unbridled fear for what will follow seemed little compared to the stranger he had just met. Without another word Samuel climbed in to the carriage and on they went headed for the Rivers estate. The rest of the afternoon went by slowly and Samuel not being much of a talker, admired the scenery. Before long, they’d arrived at the estate. “Are we in the right place?” He asked, nervous as a cat on crack. The estate was magnificent. And it stretched to all four corners. His eyes couldn’t see the end of it because there were large acres of vegetation stretching behind the mansion. “But this is the Rivers estate….” He continued, still nervous. “And I’m David Rivers, son of Christopher Rivers” David spoke with pride and smiled. Before the horses stopped at the entrance, there were servants waiting with treats and a new coat for Samuel Trevor who was still trying to recover from the shock. It was magnificent indeed. The decor spoke wealth beyond any in the town of Dake. He threw his eyes everywhere and all he saw rendered him speechless. Lunch had been served and as he walked down the corridor, he heard an old man squirm and scream for help. The maid quickly shuffled across the corridor and entered the largest room in the mansion. She asked, Samuel to wait at the door but he walked in anyway. Peering at the old man with renewed interest, he knew lunch could wait. “I’m not that famished...” He thought as he walked over to the bed. Christopher was in terrible pain, his skin was old and he appeared weary and almost dead. “He wasn't sick, except for dying of old age, yet David wanted him to live…” Samuel didn't understand but he was there to help and that was exactly what he was going to do. As he reached to touch his forehead, which was covered in beads of perspiration, the maid yelled, “Stop!” She was furious, “You have no right to do that…You are not a doctor.” Samuel gave a mocking laugh and reached his hand out to touch his forehead. “Sir, I said stop!” the maid yelled again “It’s alright, Mildred, he’s here to help…” David said in lower tone. “My apologies, Sir,” She replied and left the room. “Your name sounds old. What kind of name is Mildred?” Samuel said but Mildred ignored his remark and walked out. "That's my father, Christopher, He's been like this for almost a year." David spoke with a hint on sadness in his voice. Samuel didn't let him speak any more of his father's condition. He knew the priceless love of a father and maybe if he ever had one then his life might have been different. Samuel touched Christopher’s forehead and then the magic happened. In no time, Christopher was back on his feet again. 

After lunch, David took Samuel to another room. There he met David’s sick wife. She was beautiful; more beautiful than any woman he’d met all his life. She was weak, flickering like a candle light and she couldn't make out his face. David watched with gleeful expectation and finally she was up. Her smile was stunning and her face was beaming with joy. Overwhelmed as they were, David and his wife failed to notice Samuel walk away. “It’s better this way…” Samuel thought as he closed the door. He feigned happiness but the uneasy look gave him away. “Is everything alright, Sir?” Mildred asked, “I’d like to take my leave now if you could show me the way out.” Samuel replied candidly. He was very much aware of what would happen if he wasted another minute in that house. Mildred walked him out and before David finished with his celebration, Samuel disappeared into the early darkness. For once, the odds were in his favor and everything else ddidn't matter. No one knew where Samuel had disappeared to. The maids went in search of him and it wasn’t until after Mildred informed Christopher of Samuel's departure that he sent one of his best men to go after him. Christopher’s heart was deeply saddened by this and he refused to eat until Samuel returned to the estate. It was happening again and Samuel didn’t have legs fast enough to outrun it.