The No You Should Listen To

Fact: The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know, and what you feel. Example, you know the guy is bad news, but your feelings for him say otherwise. Another fact: If you like a woman, show her that you do. Attention and honesty. The common denominator between the two is you. You are at the center of the decision making process. You can either stay and fight to win her heart, or walk away. In both cases, the decision rests with you. When I tell people this story about the No you should listen to- they do not believe it. I now tell it to you- and I can scarcely expect you to put more faith in it. In this case, there is no evidence, nor substance. Just words.

The faculty of my resolution when Annie refused my date request over the phone was daunted, albeit invigorated with relief. I had never been turned down before. Prior to this awkward situation, which I was currently regretting like a fish that had been baited by a worm on a hook, all I could hear was a loud "No, don't do it" yapping at me from the corners of my mind. Of course, I foolishly did not listen. I pursued what my heart wanted. My previous relationship had ended on the premise that I made her feel like she had run a mile each time, and nothing I did made her stay. Not even after I changed my identity and begged her. I was addicted to her love and she unjustly, and merely on a simple account that it wasn't real, walked away. Meeting Annie was different. It was unexpected and the feeling worked me laboriously. I was caught up in this unwanted feeling, uncertain of its origin, but it was there every second of every minute. She was unavailable. I respected that. What I felt after her answer- something that could be likened to a terrible hangover- was the consequence of my disobedience. One out of ten, ignorance is bliss. I would have preferred that One.

The weeks that followed were friendly. Our conversations had shifted to the weekends, and text messages smudged here and there during the week days. We had started a friendship that was built on one simple truth: I saw potential where she saw fact. The fact was that I was her friend, nothing more, nothing less. The potential, however, entirely different. I saw all  that she could be to me: girlfriend and maybe wife. I guess there is something about young love that breaches all the defenses we put up. But sometimes love is simply letting go. Freed from the thought and emotions of something beautiful that may never be.

Note to self: Love yourself so heavy that nothing catches you off guard. Be strong enough to stand on your own if you have to without malice or bitterness. Annie had reassured me that her feelings for me were non-existent, but naivete impaired my thought process. It led me to write a love letter. In my head, it was a simple case of moves and counter-moves. Feeling something that should be non-existent, coupled with unrequited love, was the worst. My pursuit grew stronger each time. The feeling had overwhelmed me. It lingered, and I wrestled. It was sour. It was hard. Hitting rock bottom with my pursuit opened my eyes. When you are obsessed with pearls, you ignore all else. Unless of course, pearls are your preferred choice. I severed all ties with Annie. She hated me for it. You know how in those romantic, happy ending films, a scenario like this would have a happy ending; well, my life is not a movie. 

When a woman tells you no, listen to it. Women may be fond of attention and honesty, and you may be the best of the best at it. However, the first No is enough. Suffering through something that is non-existent, moving mountains to create it, is artificial. You cannot create chemistry. It has to be natural because the longevity of that relationship among other things, depends on chemistry. The pursuit of a suitable woman who doesn't want to be pursued is a preamble for wasted years. What ifs and Maybes kill your chances at something real. The pursuit of a suitable woman is never about immediate results.  It's about being yourself and telling the truth and if you still get a resounding No. Listen to it. Having the girl in your life outweighs getting her. Besides when exactly did we start letting women dictate our happiness. As for me, I am a poem in progress,
 a tangle of meanings
 searching for the right words.